Face off.

Countess Dracula - 1971

Dutch Release

I'm not sure whats worse, the flid hands or the face. Either way it looks sod all like Ingrid Pitt.

Once again thanks to Cees for the sleeve.

IMDb / DVD

LOOK! NIPPLES!

La bête - 1975

Dutch Release
Aka:
The Beast, Death's Ecstacy

I had this post planned out for the last few days, a nice offensive Dutch re-titling by EVC, but then this beauty came into my inbox and I had to share it. It has to be one of the more inventive sleeves I've seen.

The Dutch have done it again. Who'd think of taking an innocent bit of pornography and drawing over the top of it. But not just any old dooldes over the top, oh no, the artist chose a rather revealing, well pointless, nightie  which he may as well not botherd with as you can still EVERYTHING. But the pièce de résistance is the amazingly shit "Beast" hand. I also feel I should saying about the ladies eyebrows, they look like they're a monobrow except they're not. This sleeve has got it going on.

Thank you to Jonas for kindly letting me use this amazing sleeve.

IMDb / DVD

Tighty Whites

Goliath against the Arabs - 1965

Dutch Release

Aka:

Goliath at the Conquest of Damascus, Golia alla conquista di Bagdad

"Hmmmm Goliath thoes tighty whiteys look mighty fine on you"

I'm assuming it's Goliath in the attractive Y-fronts and gold belt combo. The other guys face is priceless, I'm thinking out of shot the guy in green is sat on the toilet... Having a bit of "transit" trouble. The toilet/bathroom theory would explain the underpants.

If the picture wasn't dodgy enough then theres the questionable title, EVC seem to be fans of slightly unpc re-titlings (I will elaborate more on this soon, with a superbly bad taste re-titling from EVC).

One day I'll stop mocking the Dutch and their efforts at video sleeves, but stick to what you know guys...things like dope and windmills and tulips.

(The last bit was a joke, I have a lot of respect for the Dutch and their mighty fine drugs and windmills and tulips.)

Thanks to my favourite Dutchie, Cees, for the scan.

IMDb

In the closet

 Cameron's closet - 1988

Dutch Release - 1989

In all honesty, most of the sleeves I put up, I haven't seen the films themselves....This time I have, well about the first half hour and then I did the sensible thing and went to bed. This sleeve is vastly more entertaining than that first half hour and to be fair it looks like it only took half an hour to make. And whoever made it probably had to ask an adult to help them with the cutting out.

IMDb  / DVD

Frankentits.

   What Have They Done to Solange? - 1972

Dutch Release

Aka: 

Cosa avete fatto a Solange?

Just as through history there has been trends and periods of art, such as pop art or expressionism, the Dutch went through a period of producing airbrushed nightmares to grace there video sleeves. Almost a sister piece to the delightful "caniball girl".

So here we have a Dutch sleeve for an Italian Giallo film and yet when I look at it I see two quintessentially(look at me using big words!) British things, both to do with the Lady to the left of the front cover, whos nipples appear to be made from screws...

First thing is: Bacon Frazzles

A childhood favourite and cheap. But the real question is, why the f- has she got a bacon frazzle over her mouth? In this some kind of torture method? Maybe she really hates frazzles and now she can't open her mouth and scream for fear of it landing in her gob and her having to eat the bacon-esque corn based snack.

And number two: Jeremy Beadle

Check out her hands, which have been tied up, clear case of Beadle hand going on there.

And for thoes under the age of 20 or not too up on dead British tv presenters: Don't worry, the sleeve is so shit it defies cultural and geographical differences, i.e it's universally crap.

Thanks to Cees for the scan.

IMDb / DVD

Lost in translation

Caniball girl - (??)
Dutch release

Words fail me. And obviously they also failed whoever was in charge of putting the title on this sleeve.

Can you smell something?

The Devil in Miss Jones Part II - 1982
Dutch Release

Sometimes even I'm lost for words.

IMDb

Pancake day..

The Sect - 1991

Dutch release 
Aka:
La Setta, The Devil's Daughter, Demons 4

Here's another one that I'm sure makes perfect sense if you watch the film. But on it's own it's just 100% pure wtf. God bless the Dutch, a highly cultural, friendly, lovely nation of people who for some reason have done some absolutely shit video sleeves. I'm gonna hazzard a guess that the guy on the front of the sleeve was making pancakes. He went to flip the pancake and instead of landing back in the pan it landed on his face....and somehow started to attack him? Could it be the only film to deal with the subject of killer pancakes?

As ever thanks to Cees for this gem.


IMDb  / DVD

Cats and dogs...

Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell - 1978

Dutch realse

I include this, not because the art in it's self is bad, but because the artist was obviously either drunk or stupid.

You think he would have noticed the title "Devil Dog" and drawn a dog. Yes? Well no.. Instead he did a big pissed off looking cat. It looks more like Cringer/Battle Cat from the He-Man cartoons.

 You see what I mean? It's not just me is it? But it really doesn't look like a dog in the slightest.

Thanks to Cees for the scan.

IMDb / DVD

Life's a drag....

 

Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell - 1974

Dutch release

Really should be called "Frankenstein and the Drag Queen from Hell". Since when was Liza Minnelli in this film? Either way Frankie's monster is looking a might pissed off. PMT perhaps? But it's clearly female to some extent, check out the lipstick, the massive bossom barely containted by the leather belt...It's postively erotic... Well if blokes called Dave wearing there wive's make up gets you off, otherwise it's just a really bad bit of sleeve art.

Thanks to Cees for the scan.

IMDb / DVD