Shiny, Shiny pants of metal.

The Warrior and the Sorceress - 1984

Danish Release

aka

Kaine le mercenaire, Kain del planeta oscura

Without making too many bad taste David Carradine jokes, I will try and figure out what the heck is going on with this sleeve.

The metal undies and gimp harness?

The woman with two pairs of tits?

The very phallic snake/dragon?

The worryingly placed nipples?

And the bulging sparkly knickers?!?!?!?!

WHY?

DEAR GOD WHY OH WHY?

Despite looking like a really bad, homoerotic, heavy metal album cover, it's still kind of cool.

Altho the well tanned, oily thunder thighs really don't do David any favours.

IMDb / DVD

Big Thanks to The Danish Ex-rental VHS Appreciation Group (DEVAG) for the scan.

(Fore)-Heading for disaster

Tycoon - 1947

UK Release - 1983

I never knew John Wayne had down syndrome. There's only one word to describe that forehead: EPIC!

Thanks to George for the sleeve.

IMDb / DVD

Tighty Whites

Goliath against the Arabs - 1965

Dutch Release

Aka:

Goliath at the Conquest of Damascus, Golia alla conquista di Bagdad

"Hmmmm Goliath thoes tighty whiteys look mighty fine on you"

I'm assuming it's Goliath in the attractive Y-fronts and gold belt combo. The other guys face is priceless, I'm thinking out of shot the guy in green is sat on the toilet... Having a bit of "transit" trouble. The toilet/bathroom theory would explain the underpants.

If the picture wasn't dodgy enough then theres the questionable title, EVC seem to be fans of slightly unpc re-titlings (I will elaborate more on this soon, with a superbly bad taste re-titling from EVC).

One day I'll stop mocking the Dutch and their efforts at video sleeves, but stick to what you know guys...things like dope and windmills and tulips.

(The last bit was a joke, I have a lot of respect for the Dutch and their mighty fine drugs and windmills and tulips.)

Thanks to my favourite Dutchie, Cees, for the scan.

IMDb